I have worked with families to address their children’s negative and aggressive behaviors, such as non compliance, screaming, talking back, hitting, and others for 5 about years. I have come to conclude that very frequently these undesirable behaviors are the way the child has found to communicate what has been happening internally. Feeling desperation, anger, anxiety or frustration due to hunger, sleepiness, missing someone, having a new person come into their lives, or simply having a disruption on their normal day to day activities are some of the reasons that can lead a child to have bouts of anger and throw tantrums. Young children do not have the emotional intelligence or enough vocabulary to express their frustrations. 

An exercise for both parents and caregivers to practice at times when they are frustrated with their children is to take a deep breath and try to understand where the source of their children’s misbehaviors. I say this is an exercise because I often need to remind myself to do such a thing. I get frustrated with myself after realizing that my toddler was misbehaving simply because he was hungry and it had taken me a while to realize it. 

Now that you might have learned the source of a bad temper, you could potentially feel less frustrated and ready to address your child’s discomfort. If your child’s discomfort is not something you can easily resolve (for example, by feeding them or putting them to bed) then the next step is to empathize with them by verbally explaining that you understand what has happened and how they are feeling. You can also share your thoughts and feelings about the same subject, while maintaining a calm voice and physically soothing the child (if your child likes to be touched.) 

Children learn through different ways but a very powerful channel is observation. You have probably learned by now how much imitation they are capable of performing. It is important to show them taking deep breaths and remaining calm even through difficult situations. Being able to excuse your personal bad behaviors is also important so the children can learn that mistakes can and will be made and we are capable of evolving.